Maybe it is Real
by MellarkandArt
Summary: Takes place in the first book during the argument between Katniss and Peeta before they arrive in District 12. Maybe Katniss does love Peeta. (Don't really know what to do with the summary XD)
1. Chapter 1

Maybe It Is Real, Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games. I'm just a obsessive 13 year old fan.

 _It was all for the Games, Peeta says. How you acted._

 _Not all of it, I say, tightly holding onto my flowers._

 _Then how much? No, forget that. I guess the real question is whats going to be left when we get home? he says._

 _I dont know. The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get, I say. He waits, for further explanation, but nones forthcoming._

 _Well, let me know when you work it out, he says, and the pain in his voice is palpable._

/g/i/r/l/o/n/f/i/r/e

"Peeta wait!" I say as he turns back to the train. He stops and turns slowly.  
"What?" he asks bitterly.  
"I.. I don't know," I mumble. "Just don't go. I don't want it-whatever it is-to end." He stares into my eyes for awhile. Effie yells at us that it's time to get back on the train.

I drop my gaze and start walking slowly towards the train, trying to hold back the tears. I don't know how I feel about Peeta. I just know I want him with me.. Always. I feel his hand brush against mind and I look up at him. He gives me a small smile.

I have no idea what is going on.

We get back on the train and I go straight got my compartment. I colapse onto the bed and and let the tears fall. Why does everything always happen to me? My father dies, my mother dies inside, I have to grow up and raise Prim, I have to go in the Hunger Games, I have to pretend I love Peeta, I have to fall in love with Peeta.  
Wait, what? Fall in _love?_  
Maybe. But it doesn't matter right now. I don't know what is going on. Does he hate me? Will he ever speak to me? What was with the smile and the brush of our hands after the argument? Does that mean he still loves me, no matter what?

I wish I knew more about this stuff. But I never really payed attention to boys and such now I know nothing about it. The only boy I was ever close to was Gale, and I've never been romantically connected to him.

I don't understand what Peeta is thinking. His actions were so strange. I can't figure it out. We'll be arriving home soon, so I give up trying to figure it out. I get up and wash the tears and smeared makeup off my face in the bathroom. I reapply some simple makeup, the way Cinna taught me. It's just District 12, so i don't need it 'perfect'. I put on a green tank top and a blue see through shirt over it. I put on some jeans and a pair of combat boots. I leave my hair down, something I've started doing since my weeks after the Hunger Games.

Today I see my sister for the first time in months.

I glance in the mirror one last time then take a deep breath and exit my compartment. I go to the empty living room and sprawl out on the couch. I flip through channels, but all I find are stupid Capitol dramas and stuff about Peeta and I. I finally settle on a channel that shows District 12 preparing for our arrival. I see the whole town at the train station, trying to make everything perfect. They worked hard at our homecoming I can see, but it's District 12 so it still looks painfully grey.

I see my sister and mother in the midst of the decorations. They are both grinning from ear to ear. _Funny, I have barely seen Mama smile since Dad died,_ I think to myself. A reporter goes up to my little sister and starts bugging her with questions.

"Hello Primrose! Are you excited to see your sister home again today?" The reporter asks. "Yes!" Replies my sister full heartedly. "I'm so excited and proud to see my big sister. She's the bravest person I know!" I scoff at her. Of all the people she knows, I'm the bravest? That's sad. I only won the Hunger Games, it's not all that hard, you just have to be able to kill a bunch of people. And have nightmares of them every night. About singing Rue to.. Sleep.

"She's right you know," comes a voice behind me. I instantly know it's Peeta but I turn around anyway. " 'Bout what?" I ask him. I'm surprised by how easy this conversation is after what happened earlier.

"You being the bravest person." I roll my eyes. "You were right there with me. Your pretty brave yourself."  
"All I did was lay there dying," He mutters.  
"That's not true. You helped me alot and went through a very painful infection. I couldn't of done it."

"Sure you could have. And you bravely went to the cornucopia and risked your life for me. Why did you do that?" Peeta asks. I shrug. "Come on Katniss. If we want to get along with each other, we need to be honest with each other."  
"I.. Just didn't want you to die. I knew I couldn't.. Go on. Without you," I stutter.

"So, it wasn't all fake," he says grinning at me.  
"Huh?"  
"You have feelings for me," he says getting off the couch.  
"What are you talking about?" I ask.  
"Don't try to deny it Katniss. You'll just make it harder on yourself," he states walking away.

Everytime that boy walks away from me he leaves me feeling confused.

/WOW, that was hard yet easy. I don't like it. But I hope it gets better by the second chapter. Thoughts? I've been working on this since December 9th (2015) so it would be lovely to know what you think. The romance will come soon. I made them both a little bit OOC, Peeta is very straightfoward and Katniss is very lost and in love and doesn't know it. I usually write Katniss OOC though. Check out my other story, Together! Which is the squeal to Catching The Girl on Fire, but that is basically my first fanfic and it sucks for most the chapters. I don't think you have to read CTGOF to understand Together. But it wouldn't hurt. Together is my main focus right now but I am also writing and putting out a bunch of other stories right now. Broken Pieces and Final Wishes are pretty much abandoned and I don't know about Like Father Like Daughter. We'll see. I'm working on one called Really Real right now. I would love new story suggestions, I will try to do them.  
Thanks for reading! Hope I didn't scare you off with the first chapter or the A/N, Like I usually do./ 


	2. Chapter 2

Maybe It Is Real, Chapter 2

/Thank you guys for the reviews! I was feeling really self conscious about this and I wasn't sure I would continue. But you guys give me faith :)  
I've never really written like during the books, I mostly just did end of Mockingjay before epilogue. So for me this is a really hard switch and I'm feeling super wrong about every word I write. So, I hope it is okay. I'm only a child XD (I say that to get away with everything it seems) And, I only learned what fanfiction WAS a few months ago. And when I learned about it, I was like NO WAY THE HUNGER GAMES NEVER ENDS YESSSSSSSSSS!  
Okay just ignore that. I bring you, chapter 2/

I stand by the door of the train. We arrive in District 12 in exactly two minutes. We'll exit this God awful train into the crowd of people in the square. Will they be upset with us for killing all of those people? Will they be happy because we came home?

Questions run through my mind. I take a deep breath and straighten out my shirt, even though it already looks fine. Peeta comes up to me a moment later. He seems more nervous then I am, if that is even possible. He flashes a small nervous smile at me and I smile back.

The train starts to slow down and I can actually hear people screaming out our names. Is this really District 12?  
Peeta slowly takes my hand as the train doors open, revealing District 12. I can't believe how much I missed my grey little home. As Peeta and I step out of the train, their screams get louder. I look around the town at all of the people there. Everyone is there.. Expect for Gale. That's strange. I wouldn't think my best friend would miss my homecoming.

The cameras flash, blacking our vision slightly, but I'm used to it by now.

I forget all of that when I see my sister. Her amazingly light blonde hair in two braids. Her prettiest little dress. Her beautiful smile. Her blue eyes looking straight at my grey.

As soon as the peacekeepers allow it, she runs towards me almost knocking me down. I catch her hug and bend down to her height.  
"Hey little duck," I whisper in her ear.  
"You came home Katniss," she cries into my shoulder.  
"I know honey. I told you I would."  
"I knew you would.. I just... I love you."  
"I love you too Primmy."

/S/A/F/E/A/N/D/S/O/U/N/D

"And this, Katniss, is your new house!" Effie practically shrieks. I look up from the road I was walking on with Peeta, my mother and Prim, to the giant house in front of me. Is this even a house? It's so big. What do you do with so much space?

"I don't need a house that big," I say out loud. Effie starts laughing and takes my hand to guide me in the house. I feel her makeup and skin dye rubbing off on me and it is disgusting. As soon as she allows it, I break free from it.

We enter the very large house with something Effie calls a key. We first go in a large room with a large couch and a large TV and large chairs... You'd think I would be used to everything being large after my stay in the Capitol, but knowing it's all mine forever... It's very different.

"Well, you three just show yourselfaround! I have to go take Peeta to his new house. Come along dear," she says waving to Peeta. "Good luck," I mouth to him and he grins.

I turn back to my sister and Prim and find them staring at me. "What?" I ask defensively. Prim jumps right to the punch. "You two are soooooooooooo so, so, cute!" she shrieks hugging me. "Uhhh thanks..." I say, not knowing what else to say.  
"Don't be shy about it Katniss! Everyone knows you love him!" I look up to find my mother is gone. s-. I'm stuck to reply.

"Love?" I ask softly. "Yes love Katniss! Honestly, never thought I'd see the day. But I'm so happy you found love! Your so happy!"

"I am?" I ask, meaning about me being and love and being happy. Happy? I don't feel much different then I usually do. Which isn't happy.

"Well, not like 24/7 happy like me, but when ever Peeta is around you look like you could be jumping up and down," she says.  
"Your crazy little duck," I say ruffling her hair and walking around the house.  
"So are you, love crazy," she grins.  
"Yeah sure," I say moving on. Where did Mom go?

Prim sighs and walks along with me looking at the large kitchen. We see so much more space and rooms on the first floor that I have no clue what to with. Every family in the Seam could live comfortably together here. Why should  
just the three of us have it? And Haymitch and Peeta, they live alone. This is crazy.

Prim skips over to the stairs and waits for me to get there. I must have to walk a mile from the kitchen to the stairs.  
We start taking the stairs one by one until we get to the top.  
First I see many, many doors. Prim rushes through all of them in less then five minutes. They have beds and machines in them, all kinds of stuff.  
I tell Prim to pick out a room to sleep in and I go in search of my mother. I find her in the backyard admiring the little garden.

"Hi," I say. She turns, startled.  
"I didn't see you there."  
I offer her a small smile which she returns. This is the first time we have spoken a word since I arrived home a hour ago. She hugged me at the train station but it was... Awkward.  
"Congratulations on winning the games," she says.  
"Thanks."  
She turns back to the garden.  
"I expected you to win... Just not with the other one."  
"The other one? Peeta?" I ask.  
"Yes, Peeta. He is a interesting boy."  
"He is very interesting," I agree. "Do you have a problem with him?"  
She looks back up at me. "Oh, no, not at all! I just... Wonder if you have a problem with him."  
"Why would I have a problem with Peeta? He is very nice, and hard not to like."  
"I know Katniss. But I also know you," she says walking back into the house.

What?

/I hate writing Prim so... Young. I was 12 not long ago and I was NOTHING like that. So small and innocent.. But that's how she is most written so...  
Thank you guys so much for reading! Leave a review! (?) :)  
\- Reagan/ 


	3. Chapter 3

Maybe It Is Real, 3

/A little shorter then most, but I found it a good place to stop. Happy New Year!/

I lay on the bed of my new room. It's all mine. It's bigger then our whole old house. The bed is very large itself. It has satin sheets and pillows, carefully sewn quilts, soft mattress. It's perfect. But I don't like it. I miss the old worn out blue sheets from home. I miss the roughly sewn quilt. The mattress like cardboard. Smaller then this, yet I shared it with Prim. Now she has her own bed down the hall, and she couldn't be happier. She loves the new house.

I thought briefly over going back to our old shack, but I couldn't do that to her. This is so nice. It has everything you could ever dream. But it's not home.

I'll get over it. Someday this place will feel like a home. I hope.  
I move off the bed and go over to the window. I have a nice view of Peeta's house, I think I can even see his room. I miss him, I've gotten used to spending every day with him in the arena. Spending nights curled up with him in the sleeping bag, him kissing me, him just-  
I need to stop thinking about that. It's over. I sigh and turn my gaze to the sunset. It's almost dark, and we'll all be going to sleep. Maybe not me, the nightmares might come. Maybe since we're out of the capitol, they won't happen.

I take one last glance at Peeta's house, and I see his light turn out. I close my curtains and head to bed.

What did my mother mean when she said that about Peeta and I? She acts like she doesn't like Peeta, then she says that he is nice, but she knows me. What about me? Does she think I'll screw up any chance of a relationship with him? Does she through the lies that happened on the screen?

She's probably right. Peeta and I would never make it in a relationship together, because of me. I'm incapable of love. I am a horrible human being, I'll never be able to have feelings for anyone besides Prim.

But I already have feelings for him, don't I? Prim is right, every time Peeta is around I'm happy. I just like his presence. He's a good friend... But I don't guess friends kiss each other, or say they loved them since they were five.  
Five? Why? How in God's name would any boy be able to love me for so many years? Peeta Mellark is a strange boy, I know that for sure now. I always saw him as the nice boy out of his brothers, who got abused by his witch of a mother. Why didn't they move in with him?

Why did they pass down a great house, with their son that they are lucky he is still alive? He could have died in the arena. If that had been my child, I wouldn't let him out of my sight. Poor Peeta, he must feel so unloved. I won't let him feel that way. I won't let him stay alone in that house everyday likeHaymitch.

I will be a friend to Peeta Mellark, I will make sure he will never be lonely. Maybe my company isn't a first choice, but I'll be good enough. I'll cut back on hunting time, we don't need the meat anymore anyway. Gale is going to start work in the mines soon, he will only be able to hunt on Sundays. It's been so long since I've had to hunt alone, I don't really want that again.

I fall into the sheets of my bed and smile. Maybe this new life isn't ideal, but it will be okay. I'll make sure of it.

/Thanks for reading, sorry if it sucks, I try.  
\- Reagan/ 


	4. Chapter 4

/AHHH I AM SO FRUSTERATED. Here's the chapter I have been promising forever, and I have a idea for this story I'm not sure that I want to do because it would ruin it but at the same time it would awesome. I would have to change the rating to M...  
Gale has always been really creepy to me...  
Urmph, so I was suppossed to update Together today but I thought I had chapter 10 already writen... I DIDN'T! I need to take today and get ahead on writing all of my stories... I don't... I'm always in a pinch./

Maybe It Is Real, 4

 _"What a lovely pin you have," says the president.  
"Thank you, it's from my district." I say.  
"What a pity... The District won't last too much longer."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Oh dear.. Don't you know what happens to people who live when they aren't supposed to?" His eyes start to turn black and purple as he-_

I jolt up in bed, a scream dying in my throat. I try to steady my breathing. Nightmares. So they don't go away.

"Katniss, are you okay?" A wide eyed Prim asks coming into my room."Yes, I'm fine Prim, go back to bed," I say shakily. Hopefully she won't take note of the sweat on my forehead.

"Okay... Are you sure?"  
"I'm sure Prim, just.. Go to bed. Goodnight."  
"Goodnight," she mumbles leaving.

I sigh as I run my fingers through my sweaty hair. Just when you start to think everything will be alright, something comes back and stabs you in the back.

I look up at the clock and sigh again. 5:19 AM. I might as well get dressed. I'm not going back to sleep tonight. This morning. Whatever.

I take a shower and then change into a t-shirt and jeans. I run my fingers over the soft materiel. About now in the Seam, kids are putting on the same rough clothes they used yesterday. Looking at my closet, I think I will be wearing something new everyday. It doesn't seem fair.

I tiptoe down the stairs, careful not to wake my mother and Prim, who I hope went back to sleep. I fix myself a cup of breakfast tea, hoping to calm my nerves from the nightmare. What did the president mean? What is going to happen to the District?

I roll my eyes. Nothing is going to happen to the District. It was a dream.  
I look at the clock again. 5:45. Maybe I'll go hunting.

I get my gear together and braid my hair. I slightly open the door and close it behind me, sneaking towards the woods.  
I crawl under the wire fence. I go over to the tree and get my bow and arrows out. I hunt for awhile by myself before I see him.

"Gale," I say.  
He looks up at me and halfway smiles but then it's gone. What's wrong?  
"Hm. You made it out Catnip."  
"Yeah. I guess so."  
"Not alone," he says sharping his knife.  
"Nope, Peeta made it out too... One less person to die in the games."  
"Yeah, but why him?"  
"I don't know, I guess because he was reaped?" What is he talking about? Why does he seem angry that Peeta lived?

"That's not what I mean... What if I had volunteered in his place or had been reaped? Would you look at me the way you look at him?"  
"What are you talking about?" I breathe out as he walks closer to me. He puts his face close to mine. "Would you kiss me like you kissed him?" He whispers against my lips. I don't like this. Why is my best friend trying to kiss me?  
"Gale," I whisper. "What are you trying to do?"

Then he presses his lips against mine. For the first second I am in shock and I do not move. The next second I pull away and hit him on the arm. "What the bloody hell Gale!" I yell at him.  
I turn away and he grabs my arm. "Katniss, don't you want to be with me?"  
I shake him off. His grip on my arm is too tight and he is scaring me. I grab my bow and run off back to the fence.

I'm out of breath by the time I reach the fence. I look behind me to see if he followed. I breathe a sigh of relief and hang my head trying to catch my breath.

 _What was that? Why did my best friend try to kiss me? Why did he scare me so much?_

I felt so trapped and helpless when he grabbed my arm, it was so unreal. I don't understand why he did that, and why he was acting so weird. I shake it off and crawl under the fence. I'll just put that in my box of darkness. It won't happen again.

I walk home slowly, rubbing my arm from where Gale grabbed so tight. It's starting to bruise. 


	5. Chapter 5

Maybe It Is Real, 5

/Okay, right now I am thinking I... Like, I'll post a chapter of Together on Monday, a chapter of Really Real on Tuesday, and a chapter of Maybe It Is Real on Wednesday, then again. Maybe skipping Sunday. I don't think I'll do that though. Working on longer chapters like this. I have a very dramatic idea for this story and I'm not sure if I want to do it. It involves a M rating and Gale./

"Katniss?" My mother calls as soon as I open the door. I hum in response.  
"Where were you? I was worried sick!"

Worried? Why the heck was she worried? I used to go hunting all the time without telling her. "I was hunting Mom... Like I usually do?" I say setting my game bag down in the kitchen.

"You should have told me," she says walking over.  
"Well, I didn't used to and you were asleep..."  
"It's different now Katniss."  
"How is it dif-" I start to question but she cuts me off. "I'll clean these up, you go take a bath, your filthy!" I just sigh and nod. I don't know what's up with her.

I go upstairs and run water in my giant bathtub. I won't wash my hair, I already did that this morning, so I undo my braid and pull my hair up in a bun to keep it from getting wet.

I step into the hot water. It's still strange to be able to just run water and have it hot. If I wanted a warm bath before, I would have to boil the water on the stove.

I put soap on a silky soft washcloth. I flinch as I run it over my arm. It is bruising, horribly. I sigh and drain the water. I stand up and wrap a towel around myself.

I look under a cabinet at all of those strange bottles Effie left for me. They are labeled with stuff like scar cream, hair spray , Benadryl, all kinds off stuff. I finally find one that says something about bruises. It's a soft white cream that I rub gently over the bruise. It starts to get better instantly. The capitol does have some perks. It still hurts like crap, but at least no one will see it.

I throw on another T-shirt and jeans, I leave my hair down. It's already starting to curl up, something it annoyingly does all the time. People in the capitol think it's pretty, they have designed wigs already to look like my hair. They want "  
natural" waves like me.

I go back downstairs and watch Mom fry some squirrel that I shot today. Prim is at the table studying or something.

"Prim, it's summer why are you studying?" I voice.  
"Just getting ahead. I don't want to be taking forever to finish tests and do my homework when the school year starts."

Oh sweet Prim. Always thinking ahead. Nothing like me. I sit at the table for awhile and decide I'm bored.

"I'm going to the meadow," I say suddenly. Mom nods her head and Prim perks up. "Can I come with you? Pleaseeeeeee," she begs. I grin, "sure Prim, just hurry up."

I go to the door and put on my puts as she cleans up her studying mess. She comes bouncing up to me and I smile at her as I open the door. She puts her hand in mine as we walk to the meadow.

We past through town and I get a lot of mouth opened stares. I roll my eyes and tug Prim a little faster. I don't like all of this attention.  
We finally reach the meadow where thankfully no one is there. I lay down in the grass and sigh. I feel free for the first time in a long time. Sure, I went to the woods this morning but I didn't get much time before Gale ruined it.

Prim goes over to a patch of dandelions and fiddles with them. She looks so sweet and innocent without a care in the world... If I hadn't of volunteered for her, she would be dead now. I shudder and close my eyes at the thought. I'll take all of these nightmares for the life of my sister.

I feel the presence of another sitting down next to me and I open my eyes to find Peeta. I smile at him. He must have been walking home from the bakery, he has a little bit of flour on his nose.

"Hey," he says.  
"Hey," I say wiping the flour of his nose.  
We let a little time pass with a comfortable silence before he speaks up again.  
"So, back to our recent little chat."  
"Which one?" I ask.  
"The one where you said you liked me."  
"I don't really remember saying that," I say raising a eyebrow.

"Well, maybe not exactly but I can read between the lines."  
"Can you now?"  
"Come on Katniss, just let it out and get it over with." I glance over my shoulder to see that Prim has found one of her friends and they are distracted.

"What do you want to know?" I say quietly.  
"I want to know if you want to know me."  
"I already know you Peeta, we went to school and won the Hunger Games together."  
"I mean more... Romantically."  
I scoff. "Your the only guy I've ever kissed Peeta."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah." Well. I forgot about that one with Gale today. But it doesn't count, he kissed me and I hit him.

"Maybe I'll be the last..." He mutters.  
"Maybe..." I whisper.  
We are getting to be really close to each other. We stare into each others eyes forever, having a silent conversation. And suddenly he kisses me.  
And I don't break away. 


	6. Chapter 6

Maybe It Is Real, 6

It's a crazy world when Peeta kisses me, I suddenly don't hear Prim and her friends soft talking. I don't see the meadow anymore. I don't smell the air of District 12.

The only senses that are working properly is my feeling and tasting. I can taste a hint of cookie dough on his lips and I feel so many things I've never felt before. This is like the one kiss in the cave, only better. Our wounds can't stop us now.

We reluctantly pull apart after awhile, because we are out of breath. We keep our foreheads together, panting softly. I study his eyes studying mine. _What is he thinking right now?_ I wonder.

"Well.. That was nice," he awkwardly mumbles after awhile. I let out a soft laugh. "Yeah, it was."  
We lean against each other for awhile, drinking each other in. Thinking about what this means. There wasn't any cameras here. It was all real.  
I hear soft giggling trying to be covered up and I look behind me and see Prim and her friend looking at us.

"Prim!" I scowl. That just makes them laugh harder. "I'm gonna head home Katniss, bye!" Prim says dragging her friend with her. I roll my eyes and slowly turn my focus back to Peeta, who gives me a little smile. I smile back and stand up brushing the grass off my pants. What are you supposed to do after a kiss? Walk away or kiss him again? Walk home together? He just got here!

Peeta seems to know what to do as he stands up along with me. He links his arm through mine and I giggle. This is so weird. Sure, he did it in the capitol for good manners or something but it's different now. I'm not wearing a ball gown and standing outside of President Snow's mansion, I'm in jeans and a t- shirt standing in little District 12. I've never seen any guy and girl here flirt like this.

Hm. Flirting. So that's what he is doing. Well, two can play that game.

I take a step of bravery and rest my head on his shoulder as we walk home. He looks at me for a second trying to hide hhis surprise but I see it. I focus on the sun that is starting to set. The sky turns a beautiful shade of orange.

"That's my favorite color," Peeta speaks up.  
"The sunset?" I ask.  
"Yeah."  
"Mine's green, like the forest," I say after awhile.  
"I figured you'd saying something like that," he smiles.

We enter Victor's Village just before dark. Peeta kisses me on the cheek as we turn our separate ways.  
"Tomorrow?" he asks.  
"Maybe," I grin as I turn to my house. He smiles at me and starts towards his house.

I open the door to my house and shut it softly. I can hear Mom and Prim talking softly in the kitchen.

"She kissed him?" I hear my mother ask.  
"Well, he kissed her but she didn't pull away!"  
"Well, that's nice Primrose but it isn't really any of your business who your sister kisses."

"I agree," I speak up smiling slightly. "Oh Katniss, your home! Did Peeta walk you?"  
"Doesn't matter if he did or didn't. I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

"Goodnight..." She mutters. I turn up towards the stairs and go in my room. I close the door behind me. I strip out of my clothes and pull on a green satin nightgown.

I lay by the window seal watching Peeta's house. I see the light in his bedroom turn off through his curtains. He leaves the window open as he sleeps.  
Interesting.

I hear a soft knock on my door. "Come in," I tell my visitor. My mother comes in and smiles at me. "I thought you might want this cup a tea. It might help with... Your trouble sleeping."

I nod my head and walk over to my bed. She sits down with me and hands me the cup. I drink slowly and I watch her watch me. She has her weird mother face on.

"What is it?" I ask.  
"Nothing, just uh... Thinking about you."  
"So Peeta and I?" I ask.  
"To some degree," she says taking my empty cup out of my hands and setting it on the side table. She gently attempts to tuck me in and I let her.

"Now Katniss... Primrose told me you had some trouble sleeping last night."  
"Yeah a little bit," I mutter.  
"Nightmares?" She asks. I nod shamefully. She sighs and brushes my hair with her hand. "Nothing I have for that. Sleeping medicine would trap you there and I don't want to give you something... Rough."  
"I'll be okay," I say.  
"I know, but I wish you didn't always have to suffer." She sighs. "It's okay Mom, it's not your fault," I tell her.  
"I feel like it is... Katniss I don't want our relationship to be so strained. If you need something, just ask me okay?" I nod. I feel the effects of the tea taking me to sleep. She smiles at me and kisses me forehead.  
"Now, think happy thoughts. It might help. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask your sister or me. I don't want you to feel alone." I nod again.

"Goodnight," she smiles taking the cup and going to the door.  
"Mom," I speak before she leaves. "Yes?"  
"Do you... Do you think they'll ever go away?"  
She smiles sadly. "I'm afraid not Katniss." I nod for the last time and she leaves. I turn over and try to think happy thoughts like she said, but all I can think about is how I will always be trapped in the arena. 


	7. Chapter 7

/So I'm just writing whatever comes to mind now haha. Sorry this took so long! I present, chapter 7./

Maybe It Is Real, 7

I wake up at 3 AM this time. I try to keep myself quiet. I know my mother and Prim haven't really gotten much sleep since I came home from the games. I pace around my room for a little bit, not knowing what to do. I can't go back to sleep, I couldn't take it anymore.

I grab a soft fleece blanket from a basket in my room and curl up my the window seal. _How long is this gonna go on?"_ I wonder.

Forever, because there isn't any escape. I'm forever trapped in a life of sleepless nights. I sigh, running my hands through my brown hair. Typical, this will be. Every early morning spent by the window seal starring at the stars, praying for freedom.

The victory tour will be here in four months. I'll have to go the the capitol again, and see those horrible, horrible people. Cheering my name, so happy for my victory. A victory achieved by killing innocent children. I burry my head in my hands. It never goes away. The pain of knowing you took a life of someone, an innocent someone. And not just one. Marvel, Cato. Glimmer and the District 4 girl. Might as well count Rue's death as my fault, I should have protected her. She should have won, not me. She should be living in these big houses, eating all the food she could ever want, wearing all the beautiful clothes. Hell, anyone but me should have won.

But Peeta won, too. That's one saving grace, instead of 23 other life's lost, it was only 22. Still doesn't seattle right with me.

It's not right when a person can't see that sending 24 children somewhere to kill each other is wrong. It's not good entertainment. It's horrible. I can't understand how they can cheer for it.

I wonder if they cheered when Rue died.  
I wonder if they cheered when I shot Marvel.  
I wonder if they cheered when they said there could only be one victor.

I wonder if they cheered when we were going to eat the berries. Is it good entertainment to watch two kids try to kill themselves because they don't want to kill each other? I wouldn't know, I'm not from the capitol. I clearly don't know the difference between right and wrong, obviously it's okay.

I get up and pace around my room again. I'll have to mentor the kids until I die, unless some other girl wins. Which is unlikely. This has to end. It can't go on. But what can I do? I'm a sixteen year old girl who won the hunger games. I'm not the first. What can I do to change things? I slump down on the floor and sigh. Nothing. Not alone anyway. I need help. Where in God's name do you get help around this place?

Haymitch.

/Bakers/Gonna/Bake/Bake/Bake/Bake/Bake/

Two thirty in the afternoon, the man should be awake already, right?  
No.

I open his unlocked door and almost vomit at the smell. _God,_ how can he stand it? I guess because he is always asleep.

"Haymitch," I mutter shaking the old drunk awake. I don't even know what I'm going to say. 'Hey, let's go kill Snow!'?

He's obviously not waking up. I get a pitcher of cold water and pour it on him.  
"Gawwwwwh!" Haymitch jumps up waving his knife around. I jump back.  
"What are you doing?" He barks.

"We need to talk," I say in all seriousness. He looks at me for a minute and nods. He heads towards the door. "What are you doing?" I ask. "We're going to take a walk Sweetheart," he responds. I follow him.

/Players/Gonna/Play/Play/Play/Play/Play/

"So, what is it you want to talk about?"

We, Haymitch and I, sit in the meadow where the capitol doesn't have bugs everywhere. No guarantee of it, but it's the safest place we know of.

"I don't know," I mutter picking a flower.  
"You don't know? So you dragged me out here for nothing?"  
"Technically, you dragged me out here."

"Because I figured you had something important to talk about. Like, bugs in your house, that annoying mother of yours, thinking about sleeping with the boy, government-" I cut him off.

"Haymitch!"  
"What?"  
"Sleeping with the boy? Seriously?" I say.  
"Yeah. It happens Sweetheart. Now, let's talk about what you really want to talk about," he says.

"What was the last thing you were saying?" I ask.  
"Government issues. You realizing you don't like the capitol ways and you have to mentor innocent children every year? Welcome to my life."

"Sounds lovely," I say.  
"It's not. You have to realize that this is it though. There's nothing you can do. See what happened to District 13? We're hopeless. Think you can get this bloody district to start an uprising? You're kidding yourself. Just give up and face the facts Sweetheart."

I nod and twirl the flower in my hand. Haymitch doesn't even have faith. We're hopeless. 


End file.
